Robbed Emotions

I want to tear out the voice inside,
Bring into light those screams that hide,
In the deepest depths of a forgotten mind,
Lies scattered thoughts, that I hope to find.

I realize I hope far too much,
But wait around and no nothing as such,
To awaken that passion that frames me,
Into this unqiue person for the world to see.

Maybe it has to do with my decisions,
To cast out the past and reoccuring delusions
In 'hope' for a sorrow free life, I chose,
And ended up removing that part of me that everyone knows.

Yes, its true for I haven't written in a while,
Because my emotions have been thrust into exile,
And with them robbed, I feel no more,
The things that inspired me to write before.

So it all comes down to this,
And truth hurts, thats how it always is,
Without my depression I am no one,
And if this I choose, the days I write are done.  

Every Waking Dream

When little Ani opened her eyes, the sunlight bathed her pastel blue room in warm tones.

‘Wake up sleepy eyes’ Ani stretched like a cat within her covers and blinked. Her father was by her side like every other time urging her to start her day. He had salt and pepper cropped hair, a loose T-shirt and a wide smile that made his eyes shine.

‘Good morning Papa’ Ani slipped out of bed and into her slippers making a bee line for the staircase.

‘Uh-uh… not so fast. Go brush your teeth” Ani slowly turned her head back scowled and dragged herself into her bathroom.  This scene played back every-day and though she knew well, she still attempted different. After getting ready she skipped down to the kitchen where the delicious smell of pancakes wafted towards her.

‘Pancakes!’Ani squealed throughout the time that she climbed up a chair to the cupboards and hunted out the maple syrup. Her father watched her with awe.

‘Yes, it’s Sunday. So pancakes for my hungry monster!’ Ani chuckled as she made faces pretending to be a zombie. 

‘Are we going fishing today again?’ she asked once they were halfway through breakfast.  She crossed her feet under the table, because her hands were busy, hoping he’s say no. She drew a breath, of course he’ll say yes.

‘Yes Ani, Uncle Gary loves to see you  at least once a week. And why don’t you try, you might turn out to be a really good catcher.’ He nodded towards her plate and Ani resumed her breakfast.

It was like every other Sunday. Uncle Gary bought her crayons and blank sheets of paper which she optimally utilized while they fished at the pond behind Gary’s house. After that they packed luncheons and the whole family made it to their private creek. Now this part, Ani liked. The smell of barbeque while the sun set, wading in the shallow bed and collecting pebbles… it nourished her for the next week. Finally they all sat around the campfire and talked for hours. Ani huddled into her father’s jacket listening to her cousins stories about high school. It seemed scary. Later on they’d say their goodbyes and her father would ride her back home in the big jeep.

‘How did you like the day, Ani?’ he asked.

‘Boring… Why can’t we go elsewhere on Sundays?’  She hid the part about the creek.

‘Because, these memories matter. I want you to look back on these days and realize that Sundays couldn’t have gotten better.’ Ani pondered over his words the entire way back. She did like some fragments about the day, but she didn’t see how it mattered.

She was still thinking of it while he tucked her in bed. The moon hung outside, and a fake on inside as well.

‘Don’t think too much.’

‘Are you saying that Sundays in the future will not be the same?’ asked Ani bewildered. Her father laughed.

‘Of course, times change. But you don’t need to worry anything for a while. Now; my little princess, close your eyes. It’ll be a better day tomorrow’ he said as Ani closed her eyes slowly.

The minute little Ani did, Aniston opened her eyes wide awake in her white walled room and drew a deep breath. She was not little anymore. And it was not Sunday. She did understand now what he meant by times changing. Oh well, it changed enough to take her happy life and turn it all around. But it was true about the memories of that one Sunday. She held onto it every time she needed hope which came in the form of her father. Every time she closed her eyes for the night, in-between her busy days, she had the same waking dream, urging her to start with the next busy day.  As she headed out of the house grabbing the keys to her anytime-breakable car,  she paused to look at the frames. ‘Memories become waking dreams dad, I get it now’. And she exited.

The Grand Finale

Looks like the grand finale is around the corner and the spectators are mildly aware of the scenario. Sony PIX seems to be big on the event and is broadcasting 2012 movie on the 21-12-12 at 12:00 am.  NASA reports that if not the end of the world, due to Nibiru, a black out from 21^st to the 24^th December 2012 is assured. And furthermore, 17^th December; that is today is said to experience no night. Which simply means; we’ll be witnessing sunshine for 24 hours. Is all this inevitable? Most probably so. But what if it is just a matter of time? What are we going to do with our last few days and hours on earth?

The telephone lines are bound to be down, and electricity is a doubt; so calling loved ones is not an option. And if we are faced with the END, wouldn’t you want to make sure that your messages are expressed to the people important to you? It would also be the best time to talk it out, sort out differences and leave with closure. But most of all, we need to be prepared. Not in the way like charge your batteries, fortify your catastrophe cellar and backup your energy with canned foods. More like be prepared for the fall, and brace yourself in case it might just happen.

I, for example, am hoping to get an iota of the action and be a part of the survival, just so that I have something adventurous to say about my life when I grow old. To be a part of history, (if life exists after it), and make a heroic bibliography. Nothing big, maybe a flood or earthquake, whatever fate deems fit. When I voice out this agenda, my mom says it’s better to be a part and die than to stay and have one or both legs taken away or my eyesight blocked for eternity. That makes sense. And there’s no point in fasting and praying that it does not end. Because if it is meant to be, it will be.

Renewal is a part of life. We see it in nature, when the snakes shed; we see the forests burnt down to give better growth. So why can’t earth do something for herself after all those years of destruction we’ve caused it. It’s almost similar to formatting the PC. Sorry for the comparison; and it is pretty sure that life will begin again, and when we see ourselves in comparison with the entire universe, our life is not even molecular. Even after seeing the bigger picture behind the predictions, man is man himself and does not pause to think about nature. Bank statements, new customer policies, product launches and movie openings are arranged and decked for another year ahead. So why should nature pause to think about us, the greedy pigs?

The point I’m trying to bring home is that, the end or not, brace yourself for it. Say goodbyes, take a moment to look through the materials and stick by your loved ones on the destined day. The grand finale inches closer and even though it might not happen it’s good to say we’ve lived in that time, signed our name and moved on into the future.