I didn't know if it was a bane or a boon, in fact I didn't know anything at all. My memory was erased, and my identity was only what everyone claimed...I just didn't feel it. They said I could swim, do gymnastics, write and sing...but I never had done any of them, according to me. So what was I? I was a recovering coma patient.
A bunch of flowers near my bed, a crowd of spectating doctors, and the sun the only thing I recognized among them all. If there was one thing I remembered, it was that look of sympathy splashed across the faces of every soul that walked into my room. And I didn't hate it, I dreaded it. It was just too much confusion to process, yet I hoped to everyday. Random faces used to sit by my side for hours, offering stories that obviously held the plot of my own life. Did they think I was both ignorant and empty to not know what their objectives were? I wished I could look into the reoccurring faces and tell them that it simply was not coming back to me. Because unlike movies, life has one thing different...reality. And if it didn't feel up for it, there's no negotiating in that. The way I looked at it? Well, if these memories they spoke of, was never close to my heart, then one- they weren't regarded great enough for my mind to register deep. Two- that life wasn't worth carrying with again after memory returned. I decided to lie low for a while.
By now, I knew my mother, for she and I already had a great relation. And some of these faces though very very young to be my family, pursued that they were. And another set of people, ones whom I bore resemblances to, just vanished after a few months. I wasn't ignorant. It was deeply saddening to look at your own life like a third person. I sort of felt pity for the old self. God knows what neglect I had to endure just because I was bound by blood to souls that cared none. One night as I lay awake to reflect what was in my hands I smiled a bit. They say God works in mysterious ways, and maybe this was one of them. Maybe I asked for deliverance from my family and he gave me a clean slate to paint my life. So how was I going to take it with the negatives?
I turned it all to positives. I started hanging out with my mother's friends; they were like uncles and aunts that I dreamed of. And my own friends were the brothers and sisters I never had, soul sisters that meant much more and guardians evermore. By the end of 6 months, the doctors declared I will never get my memory back, but along with it I had built the best family for myself. I mean who gets a chance like that in life? I knew that the real people were somewhere gallivanting unaware that they'd been replaced and yes that hurt me a little, but I'm glad I didn't have to fake 'Oh I remember now!' dialogue and try for my whole life. Glad to know God can bend the rules and give us a second life... a clean slate.
A bunch of flowers near my bed, a crowd of spectating doctors, and the sun the only thing I recognized among them all. If there was one thing I remembered, it was that look of sympathy splashed across the faces of every soul that walked into my room. And I didn't hate it, I dreaded it. It was just too much confusion to process, yet I hoped to everyday. Random faces used to sit by my side for hours, offering stories that obviously held the plot of my own life. Did they think I was both ignorant and empty to not know what their objectives were? I wished I could look into the reoccurring faces and tell them that it simply was not coming back to me. Because unlike movies, life has one thing different...reality. And if it didn't feel up for it, there's no negotiating in that. The way I looked at it? Well, if these memories they spoke of, was never close to my heart, then one- they weren't regarded great enough for my mind to register deep. Two- that life wasn't worth carrying with again after memory returned. I decided to lie low for a while.
I turned it all to positives. I started hanging out with my mother's friends; they were like uncles and aunts that I dreamed of. And my own friends were the brothers and sisters I never had, soul sisters that meant much more and guardians evermore. By the end of 6 months, the doctors declared I will never get my memory back, but along with it I had built the best family for myself. I mean who gets a chance like that in life? I knew that the real people were somewhere gallivanting unaware that they'd been replaced and yes that hurt me a little, but I'm glad I didn't have to fake 'Oh I remember now!' dialogue and try for my whole life. Glad to know God can bend the rules and give us a second life... a clean slate.
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