A Clean Slate

I didn't know if it was a bane or a boon, in fact I didn't know anything at all. My memory was erased, and my identity was only what everyone claimed...I just didn't feel it. They said I could swim, do gymnastics, write and sing...but I never had done any of them, according to me. So what was I? I was a recovering coma patient.
              A bunch of flowers near my bed, a crowd of spectating doctors, and the sun the only thing I recognized among them all. If there was one thing I remembered, it was that look of sympathy splashed across the faces of every soul that walked into my room. And I didn't hate it, I dreaded it. It was just too much confusion to process, yet I hoped to everyday. Random faces used to sit by my side for hours, offering stories that obviously held the plot of my own life. Did they think I was both ignorant and empty to not know what their objectives were? I wished I could look into the reoccurring faces and tell them that it simply was not coming back to me. Because unlike movies, life has one thing different...reality. And if it didn't feel up for it, there's no negotiating in that. The way I looked at it? Well, if these memories they spoke of, was never close to my heart, then one- they weren't regarded great enough for my mind to register deep. Two- that life wasn't worth carrying with again after memory returned. I decided to lie low for a while.

           By now, I knew my mother, for she and I already had a great relation. And some of these faces though very very young to be my family, pursued that they were. And another set of people, ones whom I bore resemblances to, just vanished after a few months. I wasn't ignorant. It was deeply saddening to look at your own life like a third person. I sort of felt pity for the old self. God knows what neglect I had to endure just because I was bound by blood to souls that cared none. One night as I lay awake to reflect what was in my hands I smiled a bit. They say God works in mysterious ways, and maybe this was one of them. Maybe I asked for deliverance from my family and he gave me a clean slate to paint my life. So how was I going to take it with the negatives?
        I turned it all to positives. I started hanging out with my mother's friends; they were like uncles and aunts that I dreamed of. And my own friends were the brothers and sisters I never had, soul sisters that meant much more and guardians evermore. By the end of 6 months, the doctors declared I will never get my memory back, but along with it I had built the best family for myself. I mean who gets a chance like that in life? I knew that the real people were somewhere gallivanting unaware that they'd been replaced and yes that hurt me a little, but I'm glad I didn't have to fake 'Oh I remember now!' dialogue and try for my whole life. Glad to know God can bend the rules and give us a second life... a clean slate.
          

Dear Blog- Narrow Alleys

Dear Blog,

                  Yesterday it rained and drizzled throughout the night. I was awake for the whole time; this time not alone or depressed. My roommate and I were talking about the one topic that never gets over... LIFE. I had an exam coming up, yet I was so consumed that we vented out all our anger and frustration over the people whose minds are just narrow alleys.... 

                  What makes our society hold their precious prestige on top of their heads and flaunt it all the while ruining the lives within their hands? If you don't get my hidden meaning in it, well I'll lay it out for you blog... Our country is still backward because we aren't broadminded though the years have rolled and lives have been lain. What do they get in forcing girls to marry rich guys against her wishes? Is it that one sentence they can say to their relatives and neighbours- 'She's married to this rich family, the boy is in Malaysia'? Or is it that they still think the girl though 23 is still an innocent soul who can't make right decisions on her own? Well I wish we can print out legislative papers and hand it out to them and say

'Hey! Read that there... You see? I'm an adult. Consider my choice as well!' 

But no they still won't. You see blog, they're prouder to say that they're daughter listened to them and compromised than to say she chose the right guy for her that even they liked. It's too modest of them to say the latter. But by God's misfortune if something ever went wrong? (by wrong I mean the groom is a drunkard or the bride commits suicide or he's a big cheat and the list of sins is endless) Then they cry over her dead body 'We should have listened, she could have been alive...' So why give that chance to fate to take her away, why not believe in her and see her live happily? Still no.... because the value of life is realised only when its gone....

               There's no harm in considering her choice is there? Do whatever you need, keep spies on him, enquire everywhere, lock him up and check if he's addicted to drugs. But don't throw him away into that mass of fickle minded people. I wish they see it like this blog; why would a girl who hasn't looked at any guy,  who always lived for her parents suddenly fall in love with a guy? If your daughter is so precious that you want the best for her, then what did she see in this guy among the rest of them in this world? No.... and still no why? Because it doesn't hurt till its gone.... 

-Dagda 

Salvation through Rain

For the past couple of months, I've been on the edge of loosing all my friends. Most of them are upset over the fact that I forgot their birthdays (I never seem to remember anything related to Math... even numbers). I did take efforts to note it down from Facebook and keep reminders on my phone; but it still slipped my mind.  And funny thing is when they ask me 'Pri, i'm angry with you, do you know why?' I bite my lip and answer 'I...um forgot your birthday?' then all hell comes crashing down. The fact that I knew and still forgot hurts them more. Which leads us to the next reason why I'm loosing another set of friends.

                       If I seem to remember just my birthday (and two or three more) it means that I'm self centered. My intentions are good, but my style of execution has always been a matter of... debate? And so another volcano erupted at my flat yesterday. My friend and I quarreled on top of our lungs... me with a drumstick in hand (as the fight had something to do with the dinner menu) and she escaping off to her laptop. Ultimately it ended up with what?... absolutely nothing other than raced pulses, strained throats and lots of time to reflect on what we did. The fight faded into silent dinner and night took us into its arms for sleep a little too soon. But not me... I laid awake like an owl. At night I made a note to myself that I will not be impulsive, that I won't jump at people and perhaps find a way to keep my tongue blunt. I needed salvation from all of my mood swings and there was just one thing that could fix it. Rain. 

                       Today morning I got up at 6 to see the sun cross paths with Venus (rephrase: expected to see) based on my genius friend's warnings. I tossed about in bed lazily then remembered that he said  it won't be appearing again in 105 years. Camera and dark film in hand, I marched out only to find the sky clouded up, no trace of sunlight. Now under normal circumstances, being stood up (even by nature) would've irritated me for the sloth that I am didn't drag myself out of bed for a disappointment. But as I stood there my eyes wandered over to the huge trees at my entrance... the bark was damp. My eyes flickered out from their sleep and I wondered if my prayers had been heard and answered. And just like another answer, fell a raindrop on my arm. I'm not exaggerating when I say I feel at home with rain. Sometimes I wish for it and it arrives. I feel one with the element and sometimes ponder why I wasn't born as a marine animal instead. I felt the clouds get heavier and then it poured. Mum says it makes her feel sad and heavy inside... But it makes me calm. I gleefully let myself get drenched, as if the rain was washing away all my sins (the ones being I forgot the birthdays, yelled at my roommate, and kept loosing my cool) and instantly I felt good.
                        I drifted back to my flat where all the souls were sound asleep.I watched it drizzle a bit more from my balcony and it was as if rain was coaxing me to get some sleep, that it would watch over me and keep me cool headed. Now walking out of my adobe into the busy world got easier. With the drizzling rain keeping me pure, all my senses think rationally before reacting. Thank God I found my salvation through Rain!


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